Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
