dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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