Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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