K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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