So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
