Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no, he came in my armpit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
