I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
