My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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