8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
