So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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