i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
