def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
