First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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