I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
