i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
