And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
