have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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