I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it was like eating out sand paper
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
