He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
