life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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