Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize