A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
