I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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