I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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