Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
