a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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