Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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