Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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