babies were throwing up all over the place
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
