I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize