In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
