I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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