pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
