WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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