I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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