We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
