Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
