Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The power of my boobs compel you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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