i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
