I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
