We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize