Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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