I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
