Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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