you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
