I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
