How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
