i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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