so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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