I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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