Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
