dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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