I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
