Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
