Me too!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
