I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize