just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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