I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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