and you said cock pushups were impossible
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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