I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
