Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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