6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
