careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
