who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
