I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
