when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
