I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
