i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
