Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
well you can't waste a boner
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
