He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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