dude i'm inner monologue high
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
