she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize